I've always enjoyed working outside but this year is different. I have undertaken a project to revamp my back yard and give it some much needed TLC that kind of went 'missing' after my breakup a little over a year ago.
When Dog died a few short weeks back, some things inside of me died too... like apathy, loss, sadness. It was as if our final journey together was part of a much bigger ending. The road had reached it's end... the last chapter in the book was complete.
It was not a bad thing to let go and I knew at some point it would happen. In that long dark night I spent outside with her, her last night... I made a few promises to the Big Guy upstairs to release the pain, that there would be no more hurt & anger. I decided I would not look back too much anymore, nor too often.... and that when I did, it would be from the basis of love.
We cannot control what people do in life.... we cannot change them, only ourselves. My ex is a good man at heart but a lost spirit in many regards. I could not help him any further.
I remember the drizzle of the rain... a cold summer night by all regards...watching the drips fall off the patio umbrella, like the tears I had. Each drop was like a memory going back into the earth... returning from where it came...all the laughter, the love and the special times went back into the Earth Mother for renewal and new growth.
It was after midnight and I was all alone with Dog as she rested her head in my hands. The world was so silent and no noise was rising up from town... the world was asleep. I knew, though, that we were not alone.
So, in many ways, the weeds that grew, were symbolic of the dark passages... tenacious little buggers they are, lol. They took footholds at every chance in any open spot of soil.
So, I pulled up my sleeves and have been running the backside of a shovel and rake... the neglected garden is now blooming with new life and the flowers are brightening my days...on the inside and out. I still have quite a ways to go with the physical work but have set September as my goal for finishing.
It takes time to nurture the soil... it takes time to nurture the soul. It takes time to battle the weeds. It takes time for new things to grow.
2 comments:
Lost my sweetheart Callie since I last commented, the only feline love of my entire life. She adopted us 13 years ago at age 2.
She runs and plays with Doggins now, neither one sick any longer.
New life now blooming in your garden and in your heart.
I'm glad.
Each muscle pain from the shovel eases pain from the heart.
Much renewal comes from the earth, yes?
aw, Wilson... i'm so sorry. :(
sending a big ((hug)) to you.
*life is ever regenerating, isn't it? from pain we can hope that joy will follow... from the fall and winter, we can again expect the spring.
you're so right, we are a part of the cycles of the earth & the evolving renewals...some more profound than others...
it IS a blessing.
take care, my friend!
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